Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
