It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
