So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's always time for handjobs
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
