So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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