i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
