You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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