Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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