theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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