Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
