Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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