Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
