I bet he comes in French.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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