make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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