You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
