Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
