:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
