its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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