the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
