You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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