Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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