you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
