Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
