Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My balls are so social today.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
