Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sober January is a disaster.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
