I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
