Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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