The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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