what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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