Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
