We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize