I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Farmville is her only friend.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
