he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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