my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
