Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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