SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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