I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
