If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
