she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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