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Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
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