so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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