Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she peed on how many people?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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