Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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