dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
