it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
