Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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