she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
