peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
