We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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