Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
