Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
