I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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