I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
