ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
