so that wasnt chicken after all
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
