when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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