remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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