Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
