he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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