Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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