Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
