So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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