omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
