i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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