I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize