if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
