You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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