Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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