OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
