Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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