bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize