HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
