he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
