I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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