I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
