i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
